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WESTERN LEGENDS AND ODDITIES
- "Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town." - An old Western proverb
- Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a drunk cowboy from any direction.
- If you've done it. it ain't braggin'!
- "A bronc' rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat."
- "Broke is what happens when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead of his earnin's."
- Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. - John Wayne
- "Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it."
- "When in doubt, let your horse do the thinkin'."
- "When a cowboy's too old to set a bad example, he hands out good advice."
- "Worry is like a rockin' horse. It's something to do that don't get you nowhere."
- "Poor is having to sell the horse to buy the saddle."
- "SHOOT LOW SHERIFF HE'S RIDIN' A SHETLAND!"
"Bless the biscuits, praise the hens, throw back your ears and shovel it in!"
COWBOY & THE PREACHER
One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
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WHEN TO BE HUNGRY
Three cowboys had been riding the western range since early in the morning. One of them was a member of the Comanche Nation. Being busy with herding stray cattle all day, there had been no time for the three of them to eat. Toward the end of the day, two of the cowboys started talking about how hungry they were and about the huge meals they were going to eat when they reached town. When one of the cowboys asked the Comanche if he was also hungry, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "No."
Later that evening, after they had arrived in town, all three ordered large steak dinners. As the Comanche proceeded to eat everything in sight with great gusto, one of his friends reminded him that less than an hour earlier he had told them that he was not hungry. "Not wise to be hungry then," he replied. "No food."
THREE KINDS OF COWBOYS
1. The ones that learn by reading.
2. The few that learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence by themselves.
COWBOY AND THE SALOON
A cowboy rides up to a saloon on his horse. He goes in, orders a drink, then leaves. His horse is gone. He goes back to the saloon, and asks, "Where's my horse?"
No one replies. So he says, "I'll order one more drink, and then if my horse isn't outside, I'll have to do what i did in Texas and I don't like doing that."
So the locals hurry around, and when he leaves, his horse is outside.
As the stranger gets on his horse, the bartender asks, "What did you do in Texas?" to which the cowboy replies, "I had to walk home."
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Cowboy's Guide To Life
- Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering you none.
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- Telling a man to "git" and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.
- When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
- If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still back there.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
- If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
- And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.
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A Cowboy Is A Cowboy By Any Other Name
"Ah was born and raised in Texas and you may call me Red Neck,
Honky-Tonk Hick, Cow Raisin Son of a Gun, Giddy-Up Guy, Wild Bull Rider, Casanova Cowboy, Goat Roper, Hay Seed, Country Boy, Sheep Herder, Boot Scooter or Sh#! Kicker but i'm still a drinkin', lovin', fightin' COWBOY!" -Says, John Patrick Mulligan.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments
(1.) Jus' One God!
(2.) Honor yer Mamma and Daddy!
(3.) No tellin' tales or gossipin'!
(4.) Git yerself tew Sunday meetin'!
(5.) Put nothin' before Gawd!
(6.) No foolin' round with another feller's gal!
(7.) No killin'!
(8.) No Cussin'!
(9.) Don't take what ain't yers!
(10.) Don't be hankerin' fer yer buddy's stuff!
Cowgirls Mottos, Quotes And Cute Stuff
- "Party 'till he's Cute!"
- "If Yew Don't Like Mah Apples Don't Shake Mah Tree!"
- "American by birth, cowgirl by thuh grace of Gawd!"
- "Are yew going tew kiss me or do ah have tew lie tew mah diary?"
- "Other states were carved or born! TEXAS grew frum HIDE and HORN!"
- "Boots, chaps and cowboy hats.. nothin' else matters!"
- "Vegetarian" - another way of saying "lousy hunter"!
- "If yer not making dust...yer eatin' mine!"
- "If yew climb in thuh saddle be ready fer thuh ride!"
- "Cowboys are like outhouses....All thuh good ones are taken
and thuh rest are full of crap!"
- "Put some excitement between yer legs.. ride ah horse!"
- "There ain't ah horse that kain't be rode and there ain't ah cowboy that kain't be throwed."
- "Ah woman needs two animals: Thuh horse of her dreams and ah jackass tew pay fer it."
- "When in doubt, ask ah horse!"
- "Thuh Joy of horses is not thuh riding, jumping, racing, showing or grooming, but of owning!!!"
- "Ah horse ain't gonna care how much yew know until he knows how much yew care."
- "Mah horse is very quick. Sometimes he's so quick he leaves me behind!"
- "Mah husband told me tew sell my horse, are he was moving out. Ah miss him sometimes!"
- "All men are not created equal; only thuh finest become cowboys!"
- "All men are created equal - all cowgirls are created better!"
- "Forget thuh knight in shining armour on ah white horse...Mah Prince is in washed-out Wranglers on ah thoroughbred!'
- "So many cowboys, so little rope!"
"Thank you to all who submitted Country & Western stuff!
If you'll send old Caddylak Maxy a short Country-Western joke, Country-Western one-liners, Country-Western legend or Country-Western facts he will make you "Way Out West" Famous by giving you all the credit and will place it on this Country And Western Legends and Oddities page! "That's if it ain't already listed and I like it!" -Says, Caddylak Maxy.
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Last Updated: Thursday June 28, 2007 1:47 P.M.